I hate the world today

January 14, 2009 at 7:08 pm (Uncategorized) ()

The most beautiful image that comes to my mind is the image of a young boy and a young girl that don’t have anything in mind except the magic that is happening between them. They are young, they have the future ahead and are careless, they have not had their “reality shocks” yet.

Similar images are those of children playing or asking questions about stuff. They believe that the world has something magic in it. I don’t believe this anymore. For the same reason I love pets, they have the same kind of innocence as children do.

But then comes the reality shock. Our relation with society is an economical one. We all have a social status to build and maintain. We all want to be placed as high as possible. To have a clear social order people have created rules and procedures that one has to follow.

I have a diploma in psychology. At the moment I am finding out what it takes in my country to become a psychotherapist. Of course it is something that one cannot do by him/herself. I need to be part of an organization, I need to meet some criteria. It seems so much work – although it is not. It is just that deep in my soul I hate the fact that I have to comply to all these social designed rules. In fact I am not sure I will manage to do it.

I imagine that many characters in the movie The Beach must have been INFPs.

I struggle to find reasons to invest energy in this life. I really do. I deeply need love and someone who understands me and thinks I’m ok as I am. No one I know seems to have as many problems as I do with the way this world/society is built. And everywhere I go I feel judged for how I am.

I have changed career fields in the past (even if I am only 26). I have started projects and never finished them. Most people I know don’t like this, they don’t do this kind of things in their lives. How can I explain them: I’m just trying to get the best out of life. And what if in the end I will feel that I did not get the best exactly because I was trying too hard and changing my options too often?

I find no other reason to live than to love someone and to be loved. But even that is not as easy as it seams, because my parents love me for being their son but not for being who I am. And I have found so very few people who I really love and appreciate in my life, and many times I wonder if my professional lack of success will not alienate them in the long run.

How I wish the world could judge us by our souls and not by our social status and/or public achievements. At least this is how I feel it is.

I look at the world and it seems so impersonal. It makes me sad. It makes me cry.


1 Comment

  1. Shameka said,

    Oh my goodness…
    I read a few more posts you wrote and I feel like I am in shock. I feel like you are experiencing my life, but on the parallel male plane. I would LOVE to get a chance to talk with you (privately) about all that I know we have in common. Please e-mail me at Gmail. (ThinkerGoneMad)
    I look forward to hearing form you! 🙂

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