“Deal with it”

December 17, 2008 at 8:43 pm (INFP, MBTI, Psychology) (, , , )

I know a saying:

“I was waiting for Luck at home, but Luck was looking for me on the streets.”

Today I was an active INFP. I have spent only a few hours at home. While driving I noticed a cute blond girl in another car. She noticed me noticing her and put on the nicest smile. She was not smiling to me as much as she was smiling at herself but it was an amazingly cute smile. I need to remind myself more often that Luck might be looking for me on the streets.

Albert Ellis is one of the most influential therapist of all times. One of the phrases that he used most often when talking to his clients was: “deal with it.”

We have to accept ourselves as we are, and to accept this world as it is. If we don’t, we will feel frustrated and stressed. In order to achieve our goals we need to be happy or at least to feel contented.

I think that a good therapist is one that helps his/her clients to “deal with it”.

I am INFP. I have read somewhere that the most important need for INFP is the need for attention. (At the end of this post is a list with the main need for each MBTI type.)

As I said, I feel it is very useful for everybody to learn about the MBTI types. I know now about the other types and I realize that most of the time I will not receive the needed attention.

When I was a student (specially in university) I was frustrated by the tiny amounts of attention that I was receiving from teachers. I always felt that they did not care at all about me. I have always been the kind of student that made efforts when he felt that the teacher is interested in him, but found it hard to make any effort when the teacher was not interested in me (even when it was in my best interest to make an effort).

Now I realize that my need for attention is much larger than that of most other people and I realize that it is “normal” not to receive it. This information helps me “deal with it”.

How can an INFP deal with “being INFP” and deal with the world best?

I believe that an INFP needs to have a strong believe that what he/she does today will get him/her achieve a dream in the long run. I can deal with acting as an ESTJ as long as I feel that my needs as an INFP are satisfied. What are those needs? To be unique, to be creative, to be appreciated, to do something because I want to and not because I have to.

I studied psychology. I want to use it in a soccer club and help the club make huge progress over the years. I would love to know that I was an important factor in achieving great performances, of starting low and ending high. (Are all INFPs for the underdog?)

I can see how I can achieve that. It will take many years, that is sure, but I can do it. So, my day will start with something like this: I need to remember myself what I want done, how it will feel when the soccer club will be at a higher level than it was when I first came. I will have to keep in mind that thought all day long, in all my actions. I might imagine different scenarios of how that can be achieved. This will take care of my INFP needs.

Once I have that in mind, I will have to start concentrating on the here and now, on “dealing with the world”. I find that understanding this world correctly while in the same time knowing that I am moving towards a dream goal that I have chosen are the necessary conditions for an INFP to be efficient and happy in this world.

As promised, here is the list of the needs for each type, as found on a website:

ENFJ – control

INFJ – acceptance

ENFP – autonomy

INFP – attention

ENTJ – power

INTJ – non-conformity

ENTP – recognition

INTP – solitude

ESTJ – freedom to do as one pleases

ISTJ – responsibility

ESFJ – being needed

ISFJ – being taken care of

ESTP – admiration

ISTP – adventure

ESFP – relationship

ISFP – creativity

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