INFP happyness experiment

December 16, 2008 at 9:27 am (INFP) (, )

I remember when I was a happy and very productive INFP.  It was in high-school – more than 7 years ago.

I was kind of lazy back then, but very much at peace with my self and actually did very good in school as I likes to pay attention in classes.

What I want to say is that having a well defined social role that we have no doubts about beeing the right one is great for INFPs.

We are always seeking meaning, we want to be special, we want to be given attention, to do things in the right way.

But once high-school was over I found myself in another kind of position: here were many posibilities. And this created stress: what is the right thing to do? I realized I did not know myself well enough, I did not know what I wanted to do, I was not happy with following the traditional path that many people use: enroll in a university, don’t look back, have a career, always going ahead and never asking questions about doing something else.

As I said in a previous post, when put under stress an INFP become more of an INFP and, in a way, becomes less adapted to the world. I started to spend a lot of time within myself, having a diary, thinking of possibilities all the time and unhappy with what I was doing, etc.

Maybe I needed this time to get to know myself more. But after 7 years I feel that I have had enough. I feel that exploring possibilities all the time will not get me anywhere. I feel I have found enough about myself and have done enough for myself (when I decided to study psychology) in order to be happy with what I did. I feel that I will not betray myself if I will stop thninking so much.

So what I plan to do, as an experiment, is to accept my social role as a great one for me and stop wondering what could have be better, what should I actually be doing. I will try to be like in high-school: I will be less interested in reading about life, less interested in writing about life, less interested in my own thoughts. Why? Because I have a feeling that what is too much is too much and maybe I have been to absent from what is actually happening in this world.

The time spent in self-exploration was usefull, but I feel it’s better if I tone it down as much as I can.

It’s like this: INFPs have trouble in closing off possibilities and committing self. Even in relationships I have trouble committing because I dream of a perfect relationship that might never come, but still I dream about it and feel that I would like to be ready for when it comes and not married with children :). BUT: I guess there will come a time when I will not be able to wait anymore. At that time it is best if I only concentrate on making the best out of the relationship that I have, if I keep an eye on other possibilities I might be doomed to be unhappy.

I don’t have good self-control. If I don’t want to eat chocolate, the best solution for me is not to buy chocolate in the first place. If I want to be less caught in my thoughts, maybe the best think is to ignore them in the first place – I will try to remind myself that I did do enough of exploring my mind in the last 7 years, now it’s time to act, to be satisfied with who I am and what I am doing, to be like in high-school.

I come to think that getting lost in his/her own thoughts can be like a drug for INFPs, it can be dangerous.

Having said this, I will start a time when I will think less, post less, and act more. I will spend more time outside my bed, outside my house, without my computer.

Like Henry D. Thoreau did in Walden, I plan to have a kind of experiment: live as much possible without TV, without internet (some days I spend hours just on wikipedia), without computers, without my diary, without staying at home, without my own thoughts. Let’s see what happens when an INFP tries to be a part of this world.

I will be more of an ESFJ probably, but I feel it is much different to be like this because “I WANT TO”, compared to being like this because society wants me to be like this.

We’ll see what happens. And no matter what, in the end I’ll say I did it my way.



  1. yeshim said,


    Thanks for posting again…I totally agree with you that we, as INFPs fulfill our aims in this life when we open our eyes.I mean, the thing that we do all the time is to try to cope with ‘ourselves’ not ‘the world’.However coping with the world is much easier than coping with myself I think…The word itself ‘to cope with’ tells us too many facts about us.We cope with ourselves, we don’t accept us as who we are.Nobody says that we are not perfect, we say ourselves that we are not and we believe it so deeply that inside we always regret of being us, blame us of sth that doesn’t go on the way in our life…Then guess what happens, we get upset, depressed, shamed and whatever…If we weren’t so cruel while judging ourselves, we wouldn’t spend so many times with ourselves.We always face ourselves in the end alltough we never want to do it because conflicts never ends with ourselves.We argue with ourselves…However, world isn’t that much cruel to us, it’s more generous.It serves us the failure, the defect, the crime, the ugly, the bad, the wrong etc…But what we serve us is only the good, the moralty, the beauty, the pride, the Mr or Ms PERFECT! This world is not for us we think because ‘our world’ is something that even God have not created one! I again agree with you that being more alert to everyday living really works on us.Because we will have the chance to see ourselves as an outsider.So we will be aware of our strengths and our weaknesses.Not just our weaknesses.Surely, to try to block the weaknesses is useful for the self to go further, but if we always focus the bad, we cannot improve the good in us.All the time i was gone mad to find who I was, i was mad about astrology because of this.From the natal chart, I tried to find the inner me.However my psychologist opened my eyes that exploring me didn’t mean to think about me all the time.Unfortunately i didn’t understand clearly what she was trying to do with me when she gaved me exercises like spending time in nature, stop judging myself, being aware of how I feel about my body etc…I have been able to see what she did to me recently that she tried to make me be more mindful, more aware of myself, not judging myself, not regretting of who I am, not being madly perfectionist, not thinking about who I’m, but being me.Being more grounded.Now I know that I’m an INFP type, I like to read, write, foreign languages, self development&growth, but I know that I’m also a human being.I’m not just a personality.So I now, take mindfullness exercises.They are so easy so touchy and so belong to earth.For examle I cook, take a walk slowly and trying to catch everything around, spend time in nature and take view photos, take exercises, take deep breathing exercises and pray…Also journalizing is a mindful activity because that makes us face ourselves as who we are.Anyway, don’t give up writing, reading, helping people, or you know whatever that never stops you to be an INFP :), but be more grounded, and mindful, it really makes sense, and you see the real INFP in you.Take care .

  2. yeshim said,

    Hi again 🙂

    I want to add sth.These exercises are for stress relief I think and not only INFPs but also everyone can do these to forget about the compexities of life. They are like small brakes in our lives that we have been spending in a hurry all the time.However I must confess that they are really useful for INFPs because we just love to spend our whole time doing only reading, dreaming, thinking, depressing etc.., but these mindful brakes gets us come to ourselves.I just take them as hobbies and remember that I’m alive…

  3. infpidealist said,

    Great comments.

  4. yeshim said,

    Thanks, i like to read your blog and make comments, because you post regularly and I experience to read a self development story, so it really helps me in my own development.You may write a book about this maybe. 🙂 I know, there are a lot of samples of self help books, but self help stories are not so widespread.People just write about what we must do but they don’t write about how they had succeed it and they don’t tell their stories, they seem like they have never been depressed, confused, or get lost.Anyway, go on writing, maybe I won’t be able to submit a comment everytime, but i’ll try to read it as much regularly as possible 🙂

    • infpidealist said,

      It’s a great idea to write a book about one’s struggle.
      This blog might not be the case. I have come a long way already. I probably still have a long road ahead of me, but I remember the constant stress state that I was in about 5 years ago.
      As you said, the world is not as hard on us as we are.

      By the way: I am not sure I will post that often from now on (at least for a while) as I plan to “live more and analyze less”.

  5. la Fleur said,

    Hi there. I am an older INFP and understand what you both say about taking that time out to explore YOU but that you need to get on with life as well. You can get on with life and you can achieve alot, but I find that I get so drained from trying to be more ESTJ that I burn out after a couple of years and need to take another break to just BE. I am starting to understand about myself now that this is just how my life will be. – periods of frantic activity and achievement (I seem like superwoman to the outside world) followed by periods of time out. Yes you DO need to make a living and it is good to get outside your head when you are INFP but you also need to nurture your INFP and let them be. It can be tough but you need to love your INFP too in this ESTJ world. I thank the ESTJs for providing the stability that allows INTPs to exist at all. If it weren’t for them we’d all starve! Just make sure that in your life you make sure you don’t overcommit your time and leave no space for you to be yourself. INFPs are poets and dreamers and they make the world a better place with their gentle legacies. Stay strong and look after yourselves.

  6. infpidealist said,

    la Fleur,

    Thank you for the comment.

    The energy bursts are a characteristic of INFPs. In the end we might achieve as much as others. I am quite lazy, but on the other hand I sometimes do nothing but work. I might not go to a party because “I feel like working”.

    I always say that we should be true to ourselves and BE who we actually are. The idea was not to get lost in “just BEING”, not to disconnect from the outside world.

  7. la Fleur said,

    It’s tough to balance… I throw my job in every few years and stay home for a while. At first I’m really happy and then I find myself getting lower and lower energy and depressed from the lack of structure and connection with the world. I also hate being broke and that eventually drives me back out there again. Being INFP is not an easy ride and I do not know if you can stop being INFP or whether you just have to learn to do your best with it. In my life it always comes back…

  8. infpidealist said,

    Yes, it is tough to balance. I feel just the same.
    It’s good to know that I am not the only one.

  9. yeshim said,

    Be sure that you are not alone 🙂 erase and rewind this is what we do as usual..

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